i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
