Sponge bath it is.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
