I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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