So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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