I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Can Purell be used as lube?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
