I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize