One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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