puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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