I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to stop coming to work sober
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
