I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
