everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
