Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
