so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
