Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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