I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
