Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
