things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
