There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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