Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
