My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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