i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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