I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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