You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
