i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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