i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
