HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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