She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
