She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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