And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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