It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
