The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
