Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
