I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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