this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
