Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
