I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
