Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You dont lie about slip and slides
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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