for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
