I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
