at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
