Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
