Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
