i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
