the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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