I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
