U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
