Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
