wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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