hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
