take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
