I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
