I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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