non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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