Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
