The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize