I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
