Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
