this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
