I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
