this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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