He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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