They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
