I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
