The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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