Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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