true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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