fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
