tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
