So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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