the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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