I just pynch a tree in the face
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
