I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
