cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
