Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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