My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
