Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
